Red-Eye Rendezvous

I received a phone call yesterday evening around 8:30 p.m. It was “40 Year Old”.

“Hey Jane, I was wondering if you were available later this evening to grab a drink and then possibly… if you could find it in your giant heart… possibly drop me off at the airport for a red-eye flight?” Of course I told him yes.

I headed on over to his house, let myself in and walked into his office. He was trying to pay his bills by phone and had his speakerphone on. This is the conversation I had the pleasure of listening to.

Xcel Energy Recording: “To pay your bill by phone, please say, ‘Pay bill by phone.’”
40 Year Old: “Pay bill by phone.”
Xcel Energy Recording: “Did you say, ‘Pay bill by phone?’”
40 Year Old: “Yes.”
Xcel Energy Recording: “I’m sorry I did not hear you correctly. Did you say, ‘yes?’”?
40 Year Old: “Yes.”
Xcel Energy Recording: “Thank you. To pay your bill by phone, using a credit card,
please say, ‘Pay with my credit card.’”
40 Year Old: “Pay with my credit card.”
Xcel Energy Recording: “Did you say, ‘Pay with my credit card?”
40 Year Old: “Yes.”
Xcel Energy Recording: “I’m sorry I did not hear you correctly. Did you say, ‘yes?’”
40 Year Old: “Yes.” (with his voice getting louder and more deliberate)
Xcel Energy Recording: “I’m sorry I did not hear you correctly. Did you say, ‘yes?’”
40 Year Old: “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
Xcel Energy Recording: "Thank you for using Xcel Energy. Have a nice day." (click and dial tone)
40 Year Old: “Nooooooooooo!” (with a few expletives)

I sat quietly in the next room listening to him and watching the lightening storm outside. It was taking everything I had not to laugh. He dialed again.

Xcel Energy Recording: “Thank you for calling Xcel Energy. Please enter your 10 digit account number.” (I heard 40 Year Old enter a series of numbers.) “Did you enter (the recording read back his account number), please say yes or no.”
40 Year Old: “Yes!” (He muttered some more curse words under his breath.)
Xcel Energy Recording: "I’m sorry, I did not hear you correctly. Did you say ‘yes’?”
40 Year Old: “Yes!” (He was ready to explode.)
Xcel Energy Recording: “Thank you. To pay your bill by phone, please say, ‘Pay bill by phone.’”
40 Year Old: “Pay bill by phone. You dumb bi*ch!”
Excel Energy Recording: “Thank you for calling Excel Energy. Good bye.” (I heard a click and then the dial tone came on again.)
40 Year Old: “Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!”

He had reached his limit and continued to curse. I was laughing so hard that I spit out of my nose. (Nothing is more entertaining to me than to see a grown professional man crumble under the pressure of trying to complete the simplest of tasks.)

“Um, '40 Year Old', have you ever thought about paying your bills online?”

“Jane, I don’t want to hear it. I really don’t want to hear it.”

“Okay, I was just making a suggestion...”

He made one more attempt to pay his bill by phone. I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. When he failed again… he walked into the living room.

“Um, can you help me pay my bill online?” He had calmed down a bit.

“Sure.” I said, as I lead him by the hand back to his office.

We got the rest of his bills paid; finished organizing and putting his presentation into binders; and we packed his suitcase. He turned to me as we loaded up my car with his luggage, “Jane, you’re going to make someone a wonderful wife someday.” I looked at him and rolled my eyes. (Why do men say stupid things like that? Why!) I wanted to kick him, but instead I ignored the comment. (What sort of response was he looking for from me?)

I drove him to the airport. He was cutting it close. He gave me a kiss in the car and said, “I’m really going to miss you Jane.”

I kissed him back, “I’m going to miss you to, but I’m not going to let you know how much.” I waved him on and drove off. He just barely caught his flight.