A Jedi Master Become, Eugenio Shall Not!

Some background information before the story can unfold completely: I didn’t call “Eugenio” back on Sunday as I had promised. I didn’t have time and I actually forgot. (I know none of you are surprised at that.) He called me around 4 p.m. and left a voicemail, “Jane, hey this is Eugenio. Um, yeah… I really think we need to talk.”

I thought to myself, that’s funny… I don’t have anything in particular that I need to talk to him about. I guess it will have to wait until Monday, because I’m busy right now. I didn’t call him back. (Honestly, I was still a little weirded out that he had stopped by my work without warning on Friday night.) Instead I met up with “40 Year Old”. I will detail that date in my next posting, but this posting is dedicated exclusively to “Eugenio”.

I came into work on Monday and “Eugenio” instant messaged me. I apologized for not calling and explained that my Sunday was extremely busy and I didn’t have time. (He still hadn’t seemed to grasp the extent of my business. He wasn’t my only commitment.) He seemed fine with my explanation, but immediately wanted to know when we could see each other next. I told him the only day that could possibly work was Tuesday evening. He told me that he had Frisbee that night, but that he would leave right after to meet me. That worked out perfect, because I had a happy hour that I wanted to attend with some old co-workers. (I hadn’t seen them since last fall.) Actually, even though it worked out fine… I wasn’t feeling “Eugenio” at all anymore. He seemed whiney and needy. I wasn’t looking forward to our “date”, but he sure was. He told me in an email on Tuesday, “Jane, I’m really looking forward to seeing you tonight. See you later Cutie Pie.” (Gross, please don’t refer to me as a piece of food… I didn’t want to be anywhere near his mouth.)

The plan was to meet up around 9:00 p.m. Well, the happy hour with my old co-workers was a riot. The happy hour was late getting started and I could tell it was going last a while. I told my friends that I had to get going, but they used their peer pressure to convince me to stick around and hang out with them. (I caved.)

I called “Eugenio” at 7:45 and left the following message, “Hey, I feel really bad saying this, but I really want to hang out with my friends. We got a late start and I haven’t seen them since Sept. I was wondering if we could reschedule?” I told him to go ahead and go out with his friends after Frisbee. (Yes, I cancelled again!) I felt so relieved.

“Eugenio” called back and left a message. I can’t remember exactly what it said, but I know he wasn’t happy and that we’d talk about it tomorrow. (I didn’t realize what I was in for.)

Now the story really begins. The following is an ACTUAL transcript of the conversation that took place between us over Instant Messenger. Enjoy!

Eugenio says:
hello
Jane says:
hey
Eugenio says:
So, tell me what’s going on?
Jane says:
Eugenio... my life is extremely complicated right now. I have a billion things flying through my head.
Eugenio says:
I'm not trying to make your life more complicated. Maybe I am complicating things... but not intentionally
I dont need a lot, you know. I am not high maintenance. I feel like you've treated me really poorly blowing me off a few times in the past 4 days and it's really just hurtful. And if you want to get rid of me I can think of more civilized ways to do it.
Jane says:
I know that you want to pursue a dating relationship with me, but I can't give you that... I don't even have time for myself.
Eugenio says:
But if that is not the case then please we just need to talk.
Jane says:
I admit that I blew you off last night. My friends and I were all running late. I hadn't seen them since Sept. and I wanted to catch up.
Eugenio says:
That's fine...
Jane says:
But Saturday night I was exhausted. I'd worked a double shift Friday night, ran myself ragged from
8:30 Sat. morning until 2 p.m. running errands... and then worked 8 hours at my retail job.
Eugenio says:
Yeah I believe it.
Jane says:
I looked terrible and felt terrible and then I got a call from my mom and had some important things to talk to her about on the phone. Can’t you understand that?
Eugenio says:
It's not even that, I understand you're busy. I am busy too... And I know last night was a hard situation.
Jane says:
No... I am beyond busy. The last 2 weeks of my life have been a circus.
Eugenio says:
I kinda got that feeling. And whether or not you believe it, I am OK with that…
Jane says:
Professionally, with my Family, with my friends. I have too much going on.
Eugenio says:
But you have to understand that you don’t seem to be very good at understanding how what you say and do is interpreted by other people, or how it makes them feel. The cumulative effect of Saturday night, then not calling me on Sunday when you said you would, and then blowing me off last night. It is hurtful. If you were any other girl, I wouldn’t bother.
Jane says:
So why are you bothering?
Eugenio says:
I honestly don’t think you're trying to be mean on purpose. I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I “get” you a little bit and I understand a little of how your mind works. So, I am willing to be put on the back burner. I am patient...understanding. If it's truly just a bad time right now, I understand. If that isn’t the case and it is the “weirdness” you felt the other night when we kissed, or if it's because you're not interested in me, then just be up front about it!
Jane says:
You deserve more than I can give you.
Eugenio says:
bah!
Jane says:
You're a great guy.
Eugenio says:
You let me make the decision about what I deserve… and how much I am willing to put up with. So the bottom line is… Is this a time/life/circumstance issue between us, or is it that you just aren’t that into me?
Eugenio says:
? Well ?
Jane says:
Listen, we've been on 4 dates. We are still getting to know each other. I feel like you've jumped into this and are trying to force it. You claim you aren't high maintenance, but it sure feels like it. I have to go to a meeting right now. We can talk about this more this afternoon.
Eugenio says:
Ugh... you're right... let's talk this afternoon.

(Pause from this conversation… I was really annoyed at this point in the conversation. I was at work and he was really disrupting me. However, I wanted to nip this situation in the bud… so I picked up the conversation towards the end of the day. It starts to get really weird!)

Eugenio says:
So can I call you for a few minutes? Its easier over the phone I think.
Jane says:
Honestly, no… I'm piling through reports in between typing and reading.
Eugenio says:
Ok, well I'll do my best writing then. Basically, you are right. I have been forcing things, or trying to (unsuccessfully). But it's pretty simple... It's just been a while since I've seen potential...most girls are boring or uninteresting or unchallenging. You are all of those things! I just got a bit excited… er…wait… You’re NOT any of those things, is what I mean. It wasn’t even about you so much as I got excited about the concept… the hope. To be honest on Sunday I went through a John Favreau 'Swingers' moment and what I ended up doing was just writing down all this crap that was swimming in my head. I put it into a letter which I never intend to send. Anyway, it helped me refocus and regain my perspective. That is what I was going to talk with you about on Tuesday. I know I haven’t even been myself and it's just been very strange. I can understand I've been giving off vibes like I am diving in head first and sort of over-eager. But, in reality that's not how I am, you just had me twisted up and I needed to un-twist a bit. I needed to regain my composure and realize what was going on. I don’t know if that makes sense.
Jane says:
The last few relationships and dating situations I've been in... were with people whose calendars were as crammed as mine. I was flexible with last minute changes and they were flexible with last minute changes. You have to have everything planned out. You are a big talker and feel neglected if someone doesn’t have time to engage in a conversation with you. I'm not a phone talker… unless I have something important to say.
Eugenio says:
I'm not either! Honestly, I am super busy. It’s just starting to gear up. Listen, the schedule does not bother me one bit. It’s just uncertainty that got to me… We all have our little foibles and I just got wound up a bit.
Jane says:
Eugenio... I don't think we "work" in a dating sense.
Eugenio says:
Well, I think we do pretty well. What hasn’t been working besides my eagerness? I mean we've had a good times, right? When we're actually face to face.
Jane says:
Yes I have a good time with you, but you became insecure and uncertain before there was a chance for anything to even become certain... 2 weeks?
Eugenio says:
I appreciate the candor, even if it won’t change anything.
Jane says:
I feel like there is a lot of nonsense inbetween our face to face meetings and that is starting to bother me.
Eugenio says:
Ah you misinterpret. You see I totally feel the same way! All this time people have been asking me... I mean my friends have been asking me… ‘Tell me about Jane, tell me how it’s going!’ I say to them, ‘Well, it's great when we're face to face, we have a good time and things feel good... but when we're not in front of each other it's all weird.’ That’s the truth! The thing about it is, the weirdness in between just made me feel uncertain, that's all. And I didn’t know how to interpret it, or deal with it. I guess I overanalyze everything.
Jane says:
Eugenio, stop typing for a second! Let me get a word in. I can barely keep up with your thoughts.
Eugenio says:
So things were just screwed up in my head until Sunday. Then I was able to regain my clarity and realized that… it's been 5 dates. Why do I care? I just need to relax with what I have with you. If it happens it happens. Okay?
Jane says:
It’s only been 4 dates.
Eugenio says:
4 dates...5 dates... It hasn’t been enough for me to start acting like a retard. That’s my point.
Jane says:
Eugenio. You are an emotional man... that isn't a bad thing... but I am your polar opposite.
Eugenio says:
I'm not really an emotional man. I'm the king of compartmentalization.
Jane says:
I beg to differ... are you reading anything that you just wrote for the past 10 minutes?
Eugenio says:
I get yelled at for not being emotional enough all the damn time! What I’m expressing now isn’t emotion. It’s just me explaining what’s going on in my head when I was acting all weird with you. But then I came to the conclusion that it was insane. In any case if you have a great time with me then you can afford to see me again. I'm going to be myself from now on and if it's no good then so be it! But there's no harm in it. Relax Jane, life is beautiful, right? Give me another chance and if it sucks then we're no worse off. But, first thing to do is to get rid of Instant Messenger. I don’t think it's doing us any good.
Eugenio says:
Yo Jane! Are you there? Pay attention ADD! Ha ha.
Jane says:
Eugenio... this is just too much drama for me.
Eugenio says:
Jane? Um, but I’m not a dramatic person… there is no drama here. It's all just miscommunication.
Jane says:
I don't have the time or energy to deal with this.
Eugenio says:
Honestly, there's no drama. It's the Internet. I just think you can’t understand my ‘tone’. Besides, like I said, what's the big deal? Give the kid another chance? Listen…go on vacation, we'll talk when you get back. Remember… it’s not a big deal.
Jane says:
You're right it isn't a big deal, but you have blown it into one!
Eugenio says:
I certainly haven’t! What did you think was going to happen? If you say you're going to call someone and then don’t...and then make plans and break them short notice? How was I supposed to interpret that? Of course I thought it was a big deal, like you weren’t interested in me. You made it into an issue. I was ready to just cool my jets and have a fun night. But honestly it was pretty rude and what you did sucked. But what I'm saying is who cares? I don’t give up so easily on anything, and I think that if we can actually sit down and address this like people do, maybe it won’t seem so dramatic. So just have fun with your family this weekend and we'll talk when you get back. What's the harm in that? Just say you'll think about it so I can go home please!
Jane says:
Eugenio... I'm a rude bi*ch... the question is... why do you want to date a rude bi*ch?
Eugenio says:
I don’t think you're a rude bi*ch. Remember the first thing about me Jane… I read between the lines.
Jane says:
There is nothing to read between the lines. You're really annoying me right now...
Eugenio says:
It won’t work.
Jane says:
I don't have the time or energy to deal with this. Any desire I had to date you... is fading extremely quickly.
Eugenio says:
Speaking of drama! What the hell is so frustrating?
Jane says:
I need to go. I'm really tired of this conversation.
Eugenio says:
So that's it then?
Jane says:
Please... it's obvious from this conversation that we're in different places.
Eugenio says:
Listen up, you're being really dramatic right now. I don’t like it. I will email you next week and maybe you'll be calmed down or whatever. If you don’t reply, that's fine. I don’t care, you're a great girl but obviously something is going on with you! I've never been anything but nice to you and I surely don’t deserve to be treated like I'm not even worth a phone call. So have a great vacation. Bye. If I had a door right now I'd *expletive* slam that sh*t real hard. Then stomp around, but then I'd laugh because drama is silly and I'm just having fun.

I never responded… there was nothing to more to say. ("Eugenio" is crazy!) I didn’t want to touch that situation with a ten-foot pole.

But, I would like to take a few moments to put all these thoughts that are swimming around in my head down on paper. This will help me regain my perspective on this (borderline psychotic) situation. I just need to write this crap down in a letter to "Eugenio" which I never intend on sending to him! (Aaaaahhhhh!) So here it goes:

“Eugenio, you foolish Jedi Apprentice… until you learn to master your feelings and take control of your emotions you will never become a Jedi Master (bummer!). You must learn to let go of your emotion and fear, because fear leads to anger and anger leads to the 'dark side' (but apparently you've already tapped into that). You need to let go of all of any attachments that may lead you to fear and therefore anger (namely me... Please forget you ever met me!). Otherwise, my Youngling Jedi Knight you will end up writing down every tedious thought that runs through your warped brain and will foolishly share it on Instant Messenger. This rash behavior will reveal to the world that you are not a Jedi at all, but simply a cross between Woody Allen and David Koresh! You must learn to bring balance to the competing forces (I mean voices...) in your head! May the force be with you. - Jane"