For the sake of posterity...

Why did I agree to accept his call? (I know many of you are wondering.) Well, I didn't do it for me. I did it for the greater good, for the sake of posterity. I did it for the next woman! Ever the optimist, I thought maybe "Creepy John" was simply clueless when it came to dating etiquette and knowing how to treat a woman. Maybe no one ever told him that he was going about things all wrong. Maybe...

I received his call promptly at 9:30 p.m. He greeted me and began to asked how my weekend was. I told him, "fine". He asked me what I did. I told him, "I kept busy with work and friends." He informed me that he had a barbecue at his house with his family. (Why was he telling me this? I could care less.) I said, "That's nice."

I kept waiting for him to get to the point... (He wasn't getting there fast enough.)

He said, "I emailed you, because I wasn't sure you would answer if I just called. I wanted to talk to you. I just wanted to tell you that I had a nice time with you and wondered if you wanted to go out with me again? I was also wondering if everything was okay?"

I decided to get to the point for him. "Are you wondering why I never returned your calls after our date on Saturday?" He said, "Yeah."

And so I began... "John, I had a very nice time with you on Saturday. The date went really well until the last 30 minutes. I felt like you turned on me and became a different person. You were really aggressive and pushy. You made me feel extremely uncomfortable. "

I could hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. He said, "I thought there might be something wrong when you made the comment that you 'didn't know me that well'."

I said, "What did you think I would say when you grabbed my breast?" I continued, "John, the final straw was your comment about trying to get me drunk. That was one of the rudest things anyone has said to me on a date."

He interjected, "Oh come on, that was just a joke."

I snapped, "It wasn't funny!"

It was at this moment that I began to realize that "Creepy John" wasn't just creepy... he was really weird! I just told him he was completely offensive to me and he still thought he had a chance!

This was his defense:

"Jane, I didn't mean to move so fast. I completely understand why you felt uncomfortable. I"m really sorry, that was my mistake. It's just that I felt like we had so many commonalities. (Is that even a word?) I felt a close connection and completely forgot that we were only on our first date. I guess that's why I became so overly enthusiastic." (Is that what he calls it? "Overly Enthusiastic?")

My response, "mmmkay, well anyway... that was why I didn't call you back." This conversation was not going exactly the way I planned. I only anticipated it lasting 3 minutes... we were coming up on 5. I needed to wrap this conversation up.

"Well John, now that you know where I stand, I appreciate your call. Thanks for the apology (Although I"m still not sure it was one).

"Jane, do you think would consider going out with me again?"

Crap, this is exactly what I didn't want to happen. Why was he doing this? He kept talking.

"Jane, I mean you work with people that have messed up their lives. You do it for a living and deal with them everyday. Do you think you could find it in your heart to give me a second chance to?" (What a whiney manipulator! First of all, I get paid to deal with the dregs of society. Second of all, I don't date them!)

I was quiet... then I said, "I'm not so sure that that's what I want. That would take a lot of consideration on my part. I'll think about it, but don't call me. I'll call you."

At that moment, I thought the less direct route would be the kindest route to take with him. In my mind I was letting him down easy. (Oh the fool I am.) I had barely finished talking when he said:

"Jane, can I call you this weekend to see what your decision is? Is it okay if I call?" I was stupefied, but somehow the words snapped out of me.

"You can call me, but that doesn't mean I'll answer. If I change my mind, I'll call you."

This man didn't stop... "Um, well... see... I have tickets to this concert on Thursday and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me... blah blah blah." (I had stopped listening to him.) Was this actually happening to me? I have never seen a more persistent (or perhaps desperate) man in my life. Why didn't he get it?

I had to stop this, "John, I told you, I'll call you if I change my mind. Listen, I have to go, I have to do my laundry. I'm saying goodbye."

The last words I heard as I hung up the phone were, "I'll wait for your call."

What a waste of 10 minutes. I could have been doing my laundry and watching Law and Order SVU. That's the last time I try to do society a favor!