In a metropolitan area with greater than three million people, what are the chances that the "40 Year Old" would show up at the same bar where I was having my date with "Mr. Personality" (apparently the odds were pretty good).
The story that is about to follow is true in its entirety and I can't tell you how tempted I am to use "real names" this time. Remember how I said my date with "Creepy John" was possibly the worst date of my life? It was... until last night!
"Mr. Personality" ("Mr. P" from here on out, because "Personality" takes too long to type) and I met at one of the newer trendy bars downtown. I got there first and sat down. I love this place. The amber colored bar is lit from underneath. It casts a warm orange and gold glow on the entire room. I'd been to this place a few times in recentmonths. In fact, this was where I had my first date with the "40 Year Old".
"Mr. P" walked in a few minutes later. He looked nice and he grabbed a seat next to me. We ordered drinks and started talking and talking and talking... We had so much to talk about and there was a mutual attraction. Everything was going great until out of the corner of my eye, I spotted someone... It couldn't be. (Please God let this be a dream) It was "40 Year Old" with his friend Liz. (For the record, Liz is his friend. She has a boyfriend. They weren't on a date.) I was seated at a central part of the bar and I knew it wouldn't be long before I was spotted. It took all of my energy to act normal for "Mr. P". I was freaking out inside!
Within five minutes of spotting "40 Year Old" I knew that what I feared most (besides being eaten alive by sharks) was about to happen. "40 Year Old" began to walk over towards us. He had a huge smile on his face. He was enjoying every minute of this.
He walked up to me and gave me a big hug, "Hey kiddo, how are you doing?"
What an ass! He's never called me "kiddo" before, why would he start in front of his friends and my date?
I introduced them to my date and the small talk started. "Mr. P" turned on the charm and I could tell that "40 Year Old" was extremely impressed with him... I was. "Mr. P" was dressed really well, smelled really well and looked well... really good! "40 Year Old" hadn't shaved that day, was dressed for a sports bar (not the type of bar we were in), and well... he smelled nice to, but I wasn't going to tell him that! (Darn that Old Spice High Endurance deodorant... I'm such a sucker.)
Anyway, they talked about local politics and such and I turned to Liz and struck up a conversation with her. It ends up that she is from my home state... so we had plenty to talk about. I had heard a lot about her from the "40 Year Old" and she had heard a lot about me from him. After 15 minutes of conversation, they finally moved to the other side of the bar (but directly across from us and with a clear line of sight). "40 Year Old" continued to glance over at us for the next hour. I ignored him and focused all my attention on "Mr. P".
Things were going well with "Mr. P". In the middle of our conversation, "Mr. P" completely surprised me when he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I immediately blushed and didn't know what to do. I was positive "40 Year Old" had seen the entire thing. "Mr. P" waited for a reaction from me. I didn't give him one. Then he said, "Was that okay? Don't leave me hanging..." I didn't know what to say, but I was rescued by the bartender who interrupted us by informing us that the gentlemen across the bar wanted to buy us drinks.
I looked at "Mr. P" and I looked at the bartender and I said "no". "Mr. P" looked at me and said, "why". I had to come clean about this whole situation.
I proceeded to tell "Mr. P" that I had just stopped seeing "40 Year Old" a couple weeks ago and that this was an extremely awkward situation for me. I knew the only way out of this was to tell him the whole truth!
"Mr. P" handled it better than I could have ever expected. He said, "Jane, it would be rude for us to refuse his offer. We can accept a drink, but we don't have to finish it, and we can leave at any time and go to another bar if that would make you feel more comfortable." I told him that would be wonderful and that is exactly what we did!
"Mr. P" and I talked and talked and talked. This was turning into a fantastic date. I liked how this cat operated. As we walked from his car to the next club, he stopped me on the sidewalk and kissed me. It was great! We walked into the club, the bouncers waived us in (apparently they knew Mr. P). The bartenders gave us free drinks (apparently they knew Mr. P). The waitresses gave him hugs (apparently they knew Mr. P). "Mr. P" knew everyone!
In fact, it was such a small world... earlier in the night "Mr. P" mentioned that he used to hang out at a bar that I used to frequent... O' Sweeny's. I knew a bunch of the staff and asked him if he knew any of them. He just happened to know my my friend Lori. What a coincidence!
"Mr. P" ran into a client of his at the club. He politely excused himself for a few minutes to speak with him alone. I told him to go right ahead. While "Mr. P" spoke to his client. I called my friend "Bridget" on my cell and told her that "Mr. P" knew our friend Lori from O' Sweeny's. But, my conversation was cut short, because "Mr. P" quickly returned.
"Mr. P" changed the focus of the date. He became very serious and told me that he liked me; that he wanted to see me again; and that he wasn't the type of guy that played games. He was looking for someone that was up front and honest. Then he dropped the bomb: "Jane, I just want to be straight with you. I have a child, I used to be married and I'm very untrusting right now, because my ex-wife cheated on me."
(Wow, that was a lot for me to take in all at once.) He waited for a reaction from me, but didn't get one. I didn't know what to say, so he said, "I thought you knew this about me when you agreed to go out with me. I figured you had heard it through the grape vine. But, it became apparent to me as our date went we talked throughout the night I realized you didn't know this." I looked at him and said, "Mr. P, I don't know anything about your past. Nor have I ever heard anything about you before. This is all new to me."
"Mr. P" starred into my eyes and began to tell me that his child was the most important thing in his life. He told me that he wanted to date me, but that if I had a problem with him having a child, then he couldn't date me. He wanted to know right now whether I had a problem with it.
Hesitation came over me. I thought to myself, I don't know if I have a problem with dating a man with a child. I haven't given it much thought before now. I starred into his eyes and said, "I need to process all this information, because you just laid a shitload (Yes, I actually said shitload) of stuff on me. I need to think about this before I give you an answer. "
Then I told him, "I like you you, but I have some loose ends to tie up with "40 Year Old". There is some unfinished business there, and I don't want to be unfair to you."
He seemed rather panicked by my response. I didn't understand why. I thought to myself... I had given him a very thoughtful and honest answer. But, it didn't seem to sit right with him.
Soon after, we left the bar and said goodnight. It was getting late and I had to work the next day. He kept saying, "I had a great date, but you're not going to call me back, I know you aren't going to call." I told him to stop being ridiculous and that I just wanted to think about it first and that I'd call him in the morning.
As I drove away, I called "40 Year Old". He picked up the phone and started laughing. I told him he was an ass. He responded innocently but full of sarcasm, "But Jane, what did I do wrong?" I told him the least he could have done is ignored that he saw me and gone home. He said he couldn't resist. "40 Year Old" asked me all about the date. He told me that "Mr. P" seemed really cool and he wondered if we were going out again. I responded, "Yeah, but he has a kid, so I'm debating whether I want to get involved with that". "40 Year Old" agreed and then our real conversation began.
I said, "Listen, we both know that if you were really interested in anything serious with me, then you would date me exclusively. You're 40 years old! If you don't know what you want now, you will never know and I'm not going to sit around waiting for you to decide. We need to stop talking about dating altogether and just be done with this, especially if we want to have any chance at being friends."
"40 Year Old" said, "Jane, I never promised you anything. You know there's a good chance I'm moving away (this is crazy, b/c he was always trying to convince me that there was a good chance he was staying). Even if you were the perfect woman, I still wouldn't want to be exclusive. That just isn't where I'm at at this point." I told him that was all I needed to hear and we said goodnight. I had just tied up my loose ends...
Now here is where the story really begins...
As soon as I hung up with "40 Year Old", my good friend "Bridget" called me. She said, "Are you done with your date? Are you at home?" I told her, "yeah, what is going on?"
She began to tell me how after I called her at the club, she called our friend Lori from O'Sweenys. Lori it ends up is really good friends with "Mr. P's" brother. "Bridget" told Lori that I was on a date with "Mr. P". Lori told "Bridget" to call me back immediately, because "Mr. P" was married. And, not only was he married... he was still married and living with his wife and child. They are one of those screwed up couples that cheat on each other all the time!
"Bridget" asked me if I was okay. I told her I was fine. She told me to call her if I needed to cry. I told her I was fine and I hung up the phone. I began to cry. It was an angry cry. I was angry at "40 Year Old". I was angry at "Mr. P". I was angry at "Creepy John". I was angry at myself.
I called "Bridget" back. I guess I didn't feel like crying alone.
Needless to say, I woke up the next day with puffy eyes. And, in case there was any doubt. I did not call "Mr. P" back!
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