Asexual

I was recently accused of being ‘asexual’.

“Keith” is the one who said it. It was harsh!

Webster’s defines 'asexual' as being one of three things: “1. Having no evident sex or sex organs; sexless. (Dear god I hope that isn’t me…) 2. Relating to, produced by, or involving reproduction that occurs without the union of male and female gametes, as in binary fission or budding. (I’m not sure what that means.) 3. Lacking interest in or desire for sex. (I think this is what ‘Keith’ meant, when he called me asexual.)

The conversation started when 'Keith' and I were sitting on the couch, watching television and talking. We talked about last summer and the summer before that when we had gone out on a few dates here and there, but nothing ever happened between us.

I said to him, “I thought you were really cool and always wondered why you never pursued things with me.”

He hemmed and hawed and said something like, “Jane, I didn’t think you were attracted to me.”
I could tell he was holding something back. I pushed it a little more with him, “Well Keith, you always seemed to have a swarm of gorgeous women throwing themselves at you, whenever we went out in a group. I figured that if you were interested in me, you’d make the first move… and you never did.” (He did have a large number hot friends that were girls.)

He laughed a little bit, but it was a nervous laugh. He was definitely holding something back. “What is it? ‘Keith’, you can’t laugh like that and not tell me what you’re thinking!”

After a few more minutes of provocation, he finally admitted to me, “Well, Jane, I liked you and thought you were a ton of fun, but you just seemed well… kind of… kind of… asexual to me.”

It was dead silence between us for about 20 seconds. My eyes were huge and staring right at him. His eyes looked like they were waiting for a volcano to erupt. (Images of Marilyn Manson singing ‘The Dope Show' in his androgynous body suit ran through my head… Gross!) I didn’t know what to say. There was some more silence between us and then I said,

“Asexual?”

He still had a fearful look on his face, like he knew that he (totally) said the wrong thing. Some more time passed, then I said,

“And, that’s why you never made a move on me?” He nodded in response… and I mumbled under my breath, “absolutely ridiculous.”

Even more time passed… Thank goodness the T.V. was on, otherwise the silence would have been unbearable.

“Okay, now you’re telling me that for the past two years that we’ve known each other, you never made a move, because you thought I was asexual?” He nodded again.

I think I may have repeated it a few more times before I finally leaned in and started kissing him. (I’d show him.)

About twenty minutes later I gave him a breather.

He said he changed his mind.