Coincidence?

A week and a half after the birthday party on Lake Minnetonka, I got a phone message from Josh’s roommate, Bob. He invited me to a baseball game (with the whole group… that had met at Margo’s party). I declined, because I had to work at my second job. But, I told them to give me a call afterwards if they went out for drinks. They called me back and told me to meet them in downtown St. Paul at one of the many Irish Pubs near the Excel Energy Center. Our group included, Josh, Josh’s roommate Bob, another single doctor (Aaron), Abby, Abby’s friend and me.

I didn’t talk to Josh the entire evening. (He was seated at the other end of the table.) Instead, I chatted with his friend Aaron, who happened to be from my hometown! We even knew some of the same people. What a riot! A couple of times throughout the night I glanced over at Josh and a couple of times he glanced back (but never the eye lock that we had at the party). It was getting late and we were all ready to go. I mentioned I wouldn’t be around next week, because I was heading home for a vacation back home (in 'my home state').

Josh turned around, “Where are you going to be? I’m going to be in 'my home state' next week to."

I looked at Josh and said, “I’m going to be staying out by the lakeshore.”

Josh replied, “That’s funny, I’m going to be at the lakeshore for the first half of the week, but then I’m going to Ohio for the second part of the week.”

I starred at him, looked him directly in the eye, and said, “That’s really weird. I’m going to Akron, Ohio the second part of the week. Where are you going to be in Ohio?”

He stared back at me with a strange look, “I’m going to be in Akron, Ohio! Are you going to the golf tournament?”

I broke the stare, “No, I’m going there for a wedding, but that’s weird isn’t it? What a coincidence!” We both looked at each other again with a strange look. (Hmmm.)

I told him to give me a buzz when he was out at the lake if he wanted to hang out. He never called (I found out later that he didn't call, because he was at the lake with his girlfriend's family), and I never actually ended up going to the wedding in Ohio, but that’s another long story.

We both went on our respective vacations back home and never talked. What did I care anyway, he has a girlfriend! And, I'm done with dating... FOR REAL THIS TIME! I put the entire "bug in my eye boating incident" out of my mind. It was all a waste of my time.

The day after I got back from vacation I noticed a missed call and a new voicemail on my phone. It was from Josh. I listened intently:

"Hi, Jane... this is Josh. I was just wondering how your vacation was and when you get back in town. Give me a call when you get a chance."

I bet you're all wondering whether I called Josh (the big waste of my time) back. Of course! But, you have to wait until my next post to find out what happened. Stay tuned...

10,000 Spoons

“It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife."

A few weeks ago I went to a birthday party on Lake Minnetonka. It was a great bash… for my friend Margo. Margo’s husband is a doctor doing his residency. Most of his friends are other doctors doing their residencies. At this birthday bash, were all of Margo’s single girlfriends and all of her husband’s single guy friends. (I think they like to think of themselves as ‘informal matchmakers’.)

Everyone was having a great time. It was ANOTHER 90 degree day, but we had the lake to relieve us. We boated, mingled and grilled out. You couldn’t have asked for a better Saturday afternoon.

Throughout the party, everyone made the rounds introducing themselves. I was introduced to two doctors from 'my home state'. I immediately hit it off with one of them. His name is 'Josh'. 'Josh' and I proceeded to talk about where he was from and where I was from. We jabbered away and then we had one of those strange moments. Our eyes locked on each other and a staring contest ensued. It went on for what seemed like a minutes (but it was probably closer to 20 seconds) and then we both turned away as we were interrupted by other conversations. (A connection… hmmm…)

The thing about 'Josh' that stuck out most in my mind, when I met him, was his voice. It was a great voice, deep and clear… (this resident has resonance).

We didn’t get to talk for the rest of the afternoon. Other people were vying for our attention, but periodically we would glance at each other. I was definitely intrigued.

Towards the end of the night, we all went on a boat ride. I sat at the front of the boat and enjoyed the warm breeze in my face. The water was like glass. I scanned the horizon for Mars (it's supposed to be visible to the naked eye) and thought about how wonderful the day had been, when...

(zzzzzzz pudd), A large insect flew directly into my eyeball. "Aaaahhh!" I turned around to avoid more bugs hitting my face.

Margo's husband chuckled, "Bug in your eye Jane? I already swallowed two!"

By the time we got back to shore, my eye was red and irritated. I tried everything I could to clean it out. I looked a mess. Besides a red swollen eye, all my makeup had washed off, I was sunburned and my hair was in snarls from the wind whipping it around. (My eye must have looked bad, because everyone kept commenting on it.)

Josh spoke up. “Do you want me to take a look at your eye in the bathroom?”

I laughed, “You’re an orthopedist, what do you know about eyeballs!”

With his quick wit, he snapped back, “I’m good with eyes, I used to remove them from cadavers in medical school as a side job.”

That wasn’t the response I was expecting to hear, but I thought it was funny. "Well Josh, it sounds like you know what you’re doing. Have at it!”

We went into the bathroom, he inverted my eyelid and flushed the bug out. It was awkward, silly and kind of sweet as we stood in the bathroom together. He repeated the process a few times and eventually my eye cleared up. (It was a moment… a weird one, but definitely a moment.)

All the singles at the party left at the same time. As we walked out to our cars in the driveway, I suggested that we exchange numbers. Josh, Josh’s roommate (Bob), Abby (another single gal) and myself stood in the driveway in the pitch dark typing each other's digits into our phones. Our faces were lit up, reflecting the bluish glow from our cell phones. (It probably looked pretty spooky.)

The next day, I talked to Margo and told her that the four of us (all the singles) planned on hanging out again soon.

Margo asked, “So Jane, what do you think of the visiting residents?”

I joked with her, “Margo, they’re both so cute… I don’t know which one I like better.” (Actually… I knew exactly which one I liked better… Josh!)

Margo was riding in the car with her husband and she repeated what I said to him, then I heard him in the background say, “Tell Jane the choice isn’t that hard, only one of them is single… Josh has a girlfriend.”

My heart sank. (10,000 spoons... crap!)

The Awkward Moments That You Cherish

This week I took my new boyfriend home to meet my family. They all immediately fell in love with him. (Particularly my dad and my brothers… He’s a man’s man.) His German accent didn't seem to bother them. I know it's never bothered me. Anyway, my new boyfriend and I took my sister and my dad to get icecream at ‘The Cone Hut’.

I pulled into the parking lot and was trying to downshift instead of just braking. (I’ve only been driving a stick shift for two days. I’m still getting a feel for him… we still have our awkward moments.) Well, I stalled him out in front of four teenage boys. I restarted him and tried again, but I stalled again… and again. My dad and sister hopped out of my Audi and got in line for icecream, while I figured this out. Then I leaned out the window and laughed,

"Oops, I have it in third gear… no wonder I can’t get it to go!"

The boys on the bench outside ‘The Cone Hut’ all laughed mockingly at me. (Jerks!) But, I didn’t care. I have the bestest boyfriend a girl could ever ask for!

I slid him into first gear and parked him away from all the 'common' cars. My sister, my dad and I ate our icecream on the bench. It was a nice mild summer night back in my hometown. (What a great beginning to my vacation.)

By the time the sky started to get dark, I had completely forgotten about those obnoxious boys. The icecream tasted great and I never noticed when they got up to leave. Nor did I notice when they piled into their 2003 silver Grand Prix. I had completely forgotten, until…

They pulled along side our bench, stopped the car and the driver (the punk!) leaned out and said… "Oops, I guess I forgot it was in third gear!"

All the boys roared in laughter. (They thought they were so cool.) They peeled away and started to corner ‘The Cone Hut’ when the finger of fate dug around in his nostril, picked a huge booger and wiped it on those punks. (Oh sweet justice!)

At this juncture I would like to give my readers some background on the setting of my story. ‘The Cone Hut’ has a drive through lane around the back. To separate the drive through lane from the parking lot; there is a curb about 2 ½ feet wide. The curb extends around half of the building to guide traffic to the drive through window. Okay now back to the story…

The boys had no sooner peeled away when we heard a thud, we turned to see that their front driver’s side tire had driven up (just a little bit) onto the curb and then it fell back down onto the regular pavement. The boys thought they were in the clear, but didn’t realize that the angle at which they had driven up and down the curb, left the 2 ½ foot curb positioned between the front driver’s side tire and the rear driver’s side tire. They really thought they were good to go, so the punk that made the rude comment to me... well, he floored it!

The car bottomed out as the rear driver’s side tire slammed into the curb. (The scraping noise must have been heard for blocks.) The back of the car was instantaneously launched two feet into the air (I’ve never seen anything like it.) My sister screamed in delight and shouted "Morons!" I couldn’t stop laughing and my dad’s mouth hung open. We kept waiting for the car to pull around the other side of ‘The Cone Hut’ so we could point and laugh at them, but they didn’t come around. Five minutes later, after the foolish boys had gotten out of their car to inspect the damage (behind the building and our of our sight line), they meekly pulled around the other side of the ‘The Cone Hut’ and exited out onto the street… Their windows were rolled up and they were facing forward.

My dad walked over to the curb to inspect. There was a 3-inch long groove carved ¾ of an inch deep into the curb where the car was launched. He shook his head and said, "That had to have done some major damage."

I turned to my sister and said, "I think I looked a whole lot cooler in my stalled out Audi A4 than they looked in their bottomed out Grand Prix."

She nodded in agreement as she finished up her ‘cherry slurpie vanilla icecream float’, "Oh yeah Janie, way cooler!"

A Date With An Audi

I had a date with an Audi A4 Friday night. (Schnickers introduced us.) I’ve decided I’m going to have a long-term relationship with this Audi. For some reason I’m not having any commitment issues with him. (He must be the one!) He and I are in it for the long haul. I’ve already asked him to move in with me. I had to pay him to stay, but he was worth every penny and then some. He’s the strong, fast, quiet type with 4 wheel drive, 2.8 Quattro, sport suspension, manual transmission, green exterior and charcoal/black interior. Last night when we were alone… I whispered to him that I love him. He didn’t say anything back, but he didn’t have to. I could tell by the way he handled on the road… that he loved me to!

Burning Down The House

So, I almost burnt my apartment down this weekend… almost!

First I would like to present you with my explanation for this almost-accident. There really is a good reason for it! (Really…)

My world is currently in a state of chaos. I’m up to my ears in chaos. Yes, (I’ll agree with many of you who know me) the majority of my chaos is self-inflicted.

I’m currently attempting to search for and purchase a new vehicle (the insurance company totaled mine after my car accident in June). I’m trying to plan a class reunion (It’s already been 10 years!) I’m working two jobs and running a ton of errands before I leave on vacation next week. (I can't wait to leave town.) Lastly, I’m functioning on very little sleep. As you can all see, my life is unmistakably chaotic.

Anyway, here’s what happened… I woke up Sunday morning at 8:30 a.m. I was determined to go to church, even though I had to work at 11 a.m. I could barely open my eyes. I had gotten eight hours of sleep the night before, but I just couldn’t kick it in to gear.

I stumbled into the bathroom (and did my business). Then I stumbled into the kitchen, plopped a couple of eggs into a small pot with water and turned on the stove. (Mmmm, boiled eggs sounded good that morning.)

I went back into my bedroom and lay down. I listened intently for the water to start to boil; it would just be a few minutes. (Yeah, just a few minutes…)

I woke up around 10 a.m. to a sound that I thought was my alarm. It wasn’t! My fire alarm was going off and then I remembered… “Oh crap! The eggs!”

I ran into the smoke filled kitchen to see the eggs popping at the bottom of a waterless burnt pot. The eggs had split open and the insides were black and orange. At first I thought the orange was the yoke… it wasn’t! Good god, the inside of the eggs were actually starting to ember and glow. I dumped the eggs into the sink and poured water on them. (Phew!)

I had to stand under my fire alarm for the next few minutes fanning the smoke away, so it would stop chirping. My apartment wreaked the rest of the day. But, at least I didn’t die.

I’d live to see another day... another day of chaos.

Asexual

I was recently accused of being ‘asexual’.

“Keith” is the one who said it. It was harsh!

Webster’s defines 'asexual' as being one of three things: “1. Having no evident sex or sex organs; sexless. (Dear god I hope that isn’t me…) 2. Relating to, produced by, or involving reproduction that occurs without the union of male and female gametes, as in binary fission or budding. (I’m not sure what that means.) 3. Lacking interest in or desire for sex. (I think this is what ‘Keith’ meant, when he called me asexual.)

The conversation started when 'Keith' and I were sitting on the couch, watching television and talking. We talked about last summer and the summer before that when we had gone out on a few dates here and there, but nothing ever happened between us.

I said to him, “I thought you were really cool and always wondered why you never pursued things with me.”

He hemmed and hawed and said something like, “Jane, I didn’t think you were attracted to me.”
I could tell he was holding something back. I pushed it a little more with him, “Well Keith, you always seemed to have a swarm of gorgeous women throwing themselves at you, whenever we went out in a group. I figured that if you were interested in me, you’d make the first move… and you never did.” (He did have a large number hot friends that were girls.)

He laughed a little bit, but it was a nervous laugh. He was definitely holding something back. “What is it? ‘Keith’, you can’t laugh like that and not tell me what you’re thinking!”

After a few more minutes of provocation, he finally admitted to me, “Well, Jane, I liked you and thought you were a ton of fun, but you just seemed well… kind of… kind of… asexual to me.”

It was dead silence between us for about 20 seconds. My eyes were huge and staring right at him. His eyes looked like they were waiting for a volcano to erupt. (Images of Marilyn Manson singing ‘The Dope Show' in his androgynous body suit ran through my head… Gross!) I didn’t know what to say. There was some more silence between us and then I said,

“Asexual?”

He still had a fearful look on his face, like he knew that he (totally) said the wrong thing. Some more time passed, then I said,

“And, that’s why you never made a move on me?” He nodded in response… and I mumbled under my breath, “absolutely ridiculous.”

Even more time passed… Thank goodness the T.V. was on, otherwise the silence would have been unbearable.

“Okay, now you’re telling me that for the past two years that we’ve known each other, you never made a move, because you thought I was asexual?” He nodded again.

I think I may have repeated it a few more times before I finally leaned in and started kissing him. (I’d show him.)

About twenty minutes later I gave him a breather.

He said he changed his mind.

A T.V. Date?

I was invited over for another "T.V. Date" with Keith tonight. I'm not sure what to call this. Is this a date or isn't it? I'll keep you posted...