The Trouble With Audis (Part I)

I noticed a trend with many of the men I’ve dated recently. None of them have any particular qualities or looks in common, except one thing. They drive Audis!

I’ve never completely understood the psychology of cars and men. (Or as Tom Cruise calls it, the pseudo science of cars and men.) Supposedly, the type of car that a man drives can give you insight into his personality. Hopefully, one of my readers can explain this to me.

“40 Year Old” drove a white Audi A4. It was a nice car, but nothing extravagant. He even let me drive it on occasion. (The fool!)

“Creepy John” drove a black Audi A6. (FYI, “Creepy John” has been renamed by many of my friends and readers as “Boob Grabber”.) Anyway, his was a beautiful car. The wheels were… well, they were just…lovely. (You all thought I was going to say “off the hook” didn’t you!)

“Mr. Personality” drove a white Audi A6. This car was even prettier than “Boob Grabber’s” A6. When I rode in it. It felt like I was on a yacht. There was wood paneling everywhere. But, he lied about everything… so who’s to say that it was even his car?

I have a date tomorrow with “Keith”. I’ve been on dates with “Keith” before, a few times two years ago and again one year ago. I enjoy going out with him and he enjoys going out with me, but we have never (and I mean never) been able to get our schedules to work out. (Everything from vacations, funerals and final exams have interfered with our plans.) He travels a lot for his job and I have two jobs. We started emailing each other lately. He is notorious for not stepping up and making the first move (because typically with him, the girls make the first move). To expedite matters, I sent him the following email:

“Dear Keith, I’m sending you this emailing to subtly suggest that you ask me out for drinks or dinner or both. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to ask you myself. –Jane”

He emailed right back, “Dear Jane, I have a great idea! How about we meet for drinks or dinner or both? When are you available? – Keith”

We’re going out tomorrow (unless the gods intervene and cause some unforeseen event to prevent us from going out…. honestly it wouldn’t surprise me).

Okay, now that you have the background on “Keith”… here’s the snafu. “Keith” drives a black Audi A4!

What does this mean? (Beats me…) I feel like I’ve come full circle with Audis (and perhaps men).

I talked to “Austin HP” about this trend. He flipped out, “Jane, oh my god… does this mean I have to sell my blue Passat? (He loves his Passat.) The Passat is the country cousin to the Audi A6. I don’t want my car to be distantly related to ‘Boob Grabber's’ or ‘Mr. Personality's’ cars!”

I told him he was fine, because his Passat was blue and I’ve never met a blue car I didn’t like.

Maybe my friend “Schnickers” will have some insight into this subject. He drove an Audi A4 for years, but it was a burnt orange or metallic sunset color. I’ll have to ask him.